Feature Blog: Awarding Attempts or Results
My oldest son started playing hockey this year. It began in September when they had a skills session where all the kids demonstrate their skating to see what team level they would play on – Blue, Red or White. Blue is the lowest level and I had no doubt in my mind where he would place. Skating isn’t his forte and I don’t care. What I care about is the smile on his face as he gets into his equipment and the excitement in his voice when he talks about finally being on a real hockey team “with a real jersey mom!”
I sat in the stands and watched him go through the drills.
It was a long process. We’re Canadian eh and everyone and their sled dog wants to play hockey. Finally it was his turn for the first drill. They were to skate as fast as they could to the centre of the rink and jump over three hockey sticks laid out on the ice about 15 feet apart. He skated up to the first one, jumped and fell. My stomach clenched and my heart was in my throat as my hands pressed up against my face on their own accord. I watched as he picked himself up, went back and attempted to jump the first hockey stick again. This time he made it. He went on to the second stick, jumped…. and fell.
My hand were up against my face again – parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.
Then Adam did something unexpected. He picked himself up, went back to the first stick and started all over again. He continued to do this until he made it across all three sticks in a row.
Fast forward a few months. His skating had gotten better, but not as quickly as the rest of his team. It takes him longer to turn, he’s a little slower to stop, by the time he gets to the puck it’s on the way down to the other side of the rink. But he’s oblivious to his lack of skill. He loves hockey. He loves going, he loves getting dressed, he loves the practices, he loves being part of a team. And his coach? His coach may as well walk on water. He loves him too.
Every week I sit in the stands and watch as he skates his little heart out. All he ever wants is to be able to hit the puck just once in a game. His pride when he tells anyone and everyone about his hockey/puck connection is palpable. And for one miraculous moment in this game, my son and the puck were at the same place at the same time. He took his stick and hit that puck with all his might…..in the wrong direction.
I tried to reverse the puck’s direction with my mind. Apparently sheer willpower isn’t enough.
And then a little later on in the game, he got the puck again. It was near the net and his team members were yelling for him to pass, but his stick handling is lacking and he hit the puck, not to one of his fellow skaters or in the net, but off to the side.
By the time I got to the change room, the awards for the game had already been given out. They’re given out every week whether the team won or lost and it’s not even an actual award, only the coach calling out the names of the kids who had done a great job that game. Most times, the same names being called out every week. I saw my son sitting in the corner on the bench with his head down, tears welling up in his eyes.
What’s wrong honey? I asked.
How come I never get an award? he asked back.
My heart broke. Because, yes the kids who did an exceptional job should be praised. The goalie on his team made some incredible saves and deserved to be praised. I’m not a parent who believes every child should get a trophy just for showing up. If your child wins the 100 yard dash, they should get the first place trophy. But when you’re on a team, should it always be the number of goals or passes that are rewarded? The results? Or should effort be rewarded as well.
And so I quietly tried to explain to him that one day his name will be called out too and to think how special it will feel because he’s waited so long to hear it.
Life is competitive, sports are competitive. Right now, my son is the weakest player on his team – he doesn’t know and doesn’t care. Maybe that’ll change and he’ll come into his skating like he’s come into other things in his life. If not, there may be a day when he realizes he’s the weakest player. I can’t stop that day from happening but I’ll do my damnedest to postpone it for as long as possible. Because right now, he’s having fun playing hockey, skating his heart out each week and giving it his all, even when he’s shooting the puck in the opposite direction.
After I wiped away his tears, I overheard one of the other kids say to his dad that they could have gotten another goal if Adam had just passed the puck. We were yelling at him to pass dad, why didn’t he?
I heard the dad reply, Adam’s doing his best.
Shouldn’t that be rewarded too?
Note: This was written during my son’s first year of hockey. This year, he has a new coach who hands out awards not only to the kids who score goals and have good skills but to the kids who always try their best and work as a team. Adam got his first award mid-way through the season. It hangs on the wall by his bed.
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Sharon DeVellis also blogs at the yummymummyclub.ca where she was hired two years ago to work as the Yummy Mummy Club Coordinator (meaning do anything and everything) after winning Canada’s Yummiest Mummy Contest. A contest based on creativity and not on parenting skills (*whew* wipe beads of sweat from brow).
After a year and a half of coordinating the ins and outs of the YMC while managing the chaotic life of being a stay at home mom to two boys, and even though you will find at least one spelling or grammar error in every single one of her blogs, Sharon was promoted to Editor.
If you’re looking for insight on how to balance motherhood and working while keeping your house immaculate, go visit Martha Stewart’s blog. If you’re every other mother on the planet struggling while trying to figure it out… welcome to The Inside Scoop: http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/the_inside_scoop)
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Comments
This made me weepy, because your son is my son. My son never lacks for effort, but no matter how hard he tries, seems to be a little bit slower and a lot more tentative when playing sports. He would be upset after almost every soccer game he played in his first year, until the day he got a goal, and then nothing could stop his joy. At the end of the season, every child received a medal, and I still get weepy thinking about the expression on his face when the coach put it around his neck.
My son has a hard time with team sports but we were very lucky to have a supportive and understanding coach. He made sure to let my son know that trying his best was all is expected. Love this post – thanks for sharing! Great blog site too – will be sure to check in often.
Awe! My whole family is athletic. My brother is an all star at whatever he does, he has been on many travelling and rep hockey teams and a rep baseball team. My sister is good at hockey and ringette and plays both, as well as soccer and baseball…and then there is me. lol. I couldn’t do any of those sports well if my life depended on it. I guess I’m the odd one out, although I’m not too bad at golf (but golf is a hobby not a sport lol).
My son spent his first session of skating lessons lying on the ice, like a log. He HATED it. The other kids developed their skills and got improved. My son, remained steadfast in his anti-skating log position. Sigh. He plays soccer now. Last year he scored a spectacular goal in the first game of the season! Sadly, it was on his own net. Oh well, at least he doesn’t lie like a log on the grass…much.
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Thanks so much for sharing your story with us Sharon!