Hello. My name is Kelly Pryde and I am a recovering perfectionist. Oh wait … scratch that. Hello. My name is Kelly Pryde; I am a recovering perfectionist. No … wait … still not right …
Okay, so “recovering” is the key word in that statement. Yes, I have perfectionist tendencies and I know I’m not the only one! Perfectionism is one of the most common self-defeating beliefs amongst us Moms and it rears its ugly head in many ways, shapes and forms. For example, do any of these behaviours sound familiar to you? …
- You feel the need for your children to be meticulously dressed and/or well-behaved at all times.
- You sign your child up for a sport or activity and realize he is behind his peers’ skill level. You sign him up for extra classes to speed up his skill development.
- You believe the appearance of your home is a top priority and you spend excessive amounts of time decorating, remodelling, cleaning and/or organizing.
- You compare yourself to other Moms, co-workers, etc and worry that they are doing a better job than you.
- When you make a mistake or fall short of a personal goal, you become self-critical and feel like a failure.
Whether you experience one or more of these types of perfectionism in your own life, or another form not mentioned here, the root of all perfectionist thinking and behaviour comes from the same place. It all stems from a deep-seated belief, a fear, of “I’m not good enough.”
Think about that for a moment. … Consider the perfectionist tendencies you have and you’ll realize that they all link back to that one misguided belief.
And because we have this unconscious idea—this fear—guiding our actions, we set impossible standards and expectations for ourselves. We spend our days trying to do everything we think we should be doing, worrying about what other people think, making sure everything is just right, all with the idea that if everything on the outside is perfect, then we will be okay on the inside.
Of course, perfectionists never attain that feeling of “good enough,” of being okay. We either run ourselves into the ground from all of the effort perfection requires and we’re exhausted. Or we fail to live up to the unrealistic standards we’ve set for ourselves and we feel depressed and guilty about all the things that don’t turn out the way we think they should.
Perfectionism keeps us stuck in the world of “never enough,” always striving for something more.
And here’s the worst part about perfectionism: when we’re so busy striving for that something more and better and best, we lose sight of what’s really important in our lives. We don’t connect with our spouses and children as deeply, we don’t see or hear what they really need, and we end up acting out of fear of failure rather than unconditional love.
The reality is that you are okay. There is not one ounce of your being that is not okay. Sure, you have some vulnerabilities and things you’d like to improve upon. Who doesn’t?! Those vulnerabilities are what make us human and they can be our greatest opportunities for personal growth and acceptance. When you can recognize and embrace those shortcomings rather than hide them under the veil of perfection, you then begin to make choices that are motivated by love rather than fear; you develop a stronger sense of Self; and you find a more joyful way of being in the world.
Robert Bly once said” “Your children will become what you are, so be what you want them to be.” Inherent in all perfectionist tendencies is the message of “not good enough.” Your children will pick up on this, they will learn that message and they will internalize it. Curb your perfectionism. Choose the message of love and acceptance rather than fear and worry. You’ll be doing yourself, your family and your children’s family a world of good.
Ideas for Action
Here are a few ideas you can try to curb your perfectionism…
1) Speak kindly to yourself. Perfectionists tend to be very judgmental and self-critical. Curb those tendencies by speaking to yourself the same way you would to your young child. Find things you are doing well, pat yourself on the back for something…even little things like teaching your child something new, effectively dealing with the drama and attitude of your 8-year-old, or simply for making it through the day. Focusing on the things you’re doing well and letting go of judgment is an important step towards curbing your perfectionism.
2) Focus on your intentions.When you catch yourself in a perfectionist tendency, ask yourself: “Am I doing this out of love or fear of not being/looking good enough?” Are you really ironing the bed sheets out of love?! Are you really re-doing your child’s first grade project because you love him?! Shifting your focus to a more realistic and loving intention and letting go of things that don’t serve that intention will alleviate a lot of stress and pressure from both you and your family.
3) Tune in and connect with your family.This is not always easy in our time-crunched culture, but spending quality time with your children and your spouse is key to tuning in to what’s important to them so that your goals and beliefs are in sync with their needs. You may be surprised to learn that what you think is *best* for them is not actually what they need or want.
4) Remember this: “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Perfectionists worry a lot about how they appear to others and what other people think of them. What other people think about you, your family or your parenting is their issue, not yours. If someone wants to pass judgment on you, that’s a reflection of that person and his or her character. It doesn’t say or change anything about you. Focus on what feels right to you in your heart and you can’t go wrong.Dr. Kelly Pryde is a parenting and self-development expert and the founder of DreamKids. A speaker, author and mother of two, Kelly holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and offers today’s Moms inspiring and practical ideas for living with more energy, inner wisdom, purpose, love and joy. You can visit Kelly on the web at www.drkellypryde.com © 2008-2013 Dr. Kelly Pryde. All rights reserved
If your child has a food allergy, they’re not alone. It’s estimated that up to 5 million children in the US have a food allergy and one in every 13 Canadian suffers from a significant food allergy. So how do you keep kids with food allergies safe when they’re away from home? Dropping your child off at school, daycare, or camp means that you are giving up control over the food that your child comes in contact with throughout their day. Here are some important ways to keep children with food allergies safe.
Start Early – Teach Your Children Proper Safety:
Keeping children with food allergies safe begins with your child. In addition to teaching your children to avoid foods that they are allergic to, show them how to wash their hands thoroughly before and after eating, and how to use an Epipen®. An Epipen® is an auto-injector used for the emergency treatment of a severe allergic reaction, also known as Anaphylaxis. Remind your child to never share utensils or drinking straws with others, eat their friends’ snacks on the bus, or sample unusual foods brought into school for holiday parties.
Institutional Food Allergy Management Plan:
Every institution that supports children, such as a school or a camp, should have a Food Allergy Management Plan. This plan includes policies regarding the use of food throughout the day and in various activities, where medications will be kept, and protocols for contacting emergency services and parents during a reaction. Institutions should also ensure that there is phone access in case of a severe allergic reaction that requires a call to 911. Find out the details of your school or camp’s Food Allergy Plan, and schedule time to meet with the teacher or camp director to review your child’s individual plan.
Create a personalized medication box:
As a mom, I feel better prepared by creating a special box of what my child may need in an emergency situation. For this purpose I use a plastic shoebox-size container and I put a picture of my son and a label which contains his name and a list of allergies on the front of the box. Inside the box are his asthma medications, two EpiPens®, Benadryl®, and all treatment authorization forms and instructions. This type of container is perfect as it allows the school or camp to clearly see who the box belongs to, and what is inside. I have a second box at home in a designated spot so that family members and baby sitters can access whatever is needed quickly and efficiently.
Label Label Label:
Allergy Alert labels provide a clear warning to others about your child’s allergy or allergies. They are perfect for kids’ lunch boxes, drink bottles, containers, etc. Allergy Alert labels can even be temporarily used on backpacks or clothing when your kids go on field trips, to a friend’s party, or when travelling anywhere they may be at risk. Have your child wear a Medical Wristband which includes information such as a list of your child’s allergies or medical condition, any medications they are taking, two emergency contacts, and any other information specific to their conditions. There are also single-use disposable wristbands available (check out Lovable Labels KID Bands) which are adjustable, water resistant and tear proof. You can include contact information, your child’s name, and any special instructions. Perfect to use at the pool, beach, or amusement park.
Don’t let food allergies stop your child from attending summer camp this year! Have a tip of your own? We’d love to hear it!
It’s a day to celebrate the most famous mother of all — Mother Earth! Earth Day reminds us to take care of our community and environment. Our Lovable Labels staff celebrated by gathering garbage and cleaning up outdoors! Of course, no event would be complete without food! We had a fab lunch following the clean up!
When we fall into habits like constantly juggling too much, always being on-the-go and not paying attention to our own needs, we run the risk of depleting ourselves—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Over time this “running on empty” can become a way of life—so much so, that many women don’t even realize it.
To check whether you might be running on empty, answer the following questions:
Do you feel stressed out and “frazzled” much of the time?
Does your life feel like one big “to-do” list?
Do you feel like you never have any time for yourself?
Are you emotionally exhausted, feeling like you have nothing left to give?
Do you have a low tolerance for frustration?
Do you find it difficult to ask for help or delegate to others?
Are you usually “on the run” or pressed for time?
Does the thought of doing nothing make you feel uneasy?
Are you irritable and moody more often than you’d like?
Do you feel guilty about not being the Mom you want to be?
Are you often tired with low levels of energy?
Do you often wish somebody would look after your needs?
If you answered “yes” to three or more questions, chances are you’re running on empty. According to Brent Bost, M.D., author of The Hurried Woman Syndrome, one in four women will experience this kind of depletion at some point in their lives. And although the experience may be common, it is anything but normal. Running on empty has been associated with several physical and emotional health issues including chronic fatigue syndrome, ulcers and headaches, as well as heart disease and depression.
The good news is that running on empty does not have to be a way of life. Although the solution is not an overnight event, there are some small steps you can take to begin creating a healthier, more fulfilling approach to living and parenting…
Put on the brakes. The first step in transforming a running on empty lifestyle is to *stop*—call a halt to the running and doing and striving to get everything done. Give yourself a time-out where you can breathe and focus on how you really want to be living and parenting.
It’s all about energy. Moms often say that there’s not enough time to get everything done. The truth is we don’t need more time, we need more energy—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Are you nourishing your body with healthy foods, physical activity and rest? Are you nourishing your heart and mind with a positive, loving environment—both in your inner and outer worlds? Do you spend time engaging in activities that inspire you? These are fundamental needs that we provide very readily for our children, but neglect to give ourselves. In what areas of body, mind and spirit can you nourish and replenish yourself?
Connect. When we’re busy running around, tending to everybody else’s needs, we disconnect very quickly from our relationships with our selves and our families. Mary LoVerde, author of Stop Screaming at the Microwave, says that when we are faced with too much to do, the most important question we can ask ourselves is “With whom should I connect?” Not “What do I need to do” or “What should I do” but “With whom should I connect?” Maybe it’s time to reconnect with yourself or have special time just being with your husband or your children. Whomever it is, this is a very powerful way to reconnect a disconnected, running on empty way of life.
As you begin to take a slower path and replenish your self, you will begin to connect to the things that really matter to you. You’ll experience new levels of energy and happiness and, most importantly, you will become more of the Mom and person that you want to be—for yourself and your children.Dr. Kelly Pryde is a parenting and self-development expert and the founder of DreamKids. A speaker, author and mother of two, Kelly holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and offers today’s Moms inspiring and practical ideas for living with more energy, inner wisdom, purpose, love and joy. You can visit Kelly on the web at www.drkellypryde.com © 2008-2013 Dr. Kelly Pryde. All rights reserved
There’s an old African proverb that says “It takes a village to raise a child.” As mothers, we know this all too well. Raising children to be happy, healthy, educated, and compassionate individuals (and maintaining sanity while doing it!) is the world’s biggest role and responsibility. And while we certainly need teachers, doctors, coaches, police officers, politicians and crossing guards to help us and our children in our communities, I believe first and foremost, that we need each other as fellow mothers in order to be truly successful.
Here are five “divine secrets” that I hope will inspire each of us to embrace and support all fellow Moms—regardless of their walk of life—as we travel through the journey of motherhood together…
1. We are all teachers. Each of us has gifts, talent, knowledge and experience that we can share with our fellow Moms. Whether you have 1 year, 10 years or 40 years experience as a mother, you have something you can teach via a Moms’ group, a chat room or message board, your occupation, a newspaper article, or simply by taking time to chat with a fellow Mom in your neighborhood. When we take the time to share what we have learned in a loving, constructive way, we help those on the rungs below us climb the ladder of motherhood.
2. We are, by nature, nurturers. We are “hardwired” to look after and protect one another. While this hardwiring worked beautifully way back when families actually lived in small villages and needed to protect one another from severe weather and other external threats, today’s isolated culture leads most of us to tend to our immediate home and family. We must reach out to others in the sisterhood. Offer to sit with a neighbor’s children for a couple of hours so that Mom can get a much needed break she might not otherwise get; take the time to listen to a fellow Mom vent without judging or looking at your watch—simply listen and offer support; step up to watch out for an active child whose Mom might be occupied with a baby or simply trying to use the facilities! Be on the lookout for the many small ways you can offer an extra pair of caring hands.
3. We are creators. As mothers, we are natural creators and must work to create and celebrate together rather than compete with and against one another. There is too much focus on competition in our culture—for success, titles, grades, accomplishments, etc. We measure, we compare, we worry—for ourselves and our children. We ask ourselves: “Am I doing enough?” and “Is this good enough?” This kind of thinking breeds fear and judgment. We don’t need that as mothers and our children certainly do not need it either. Thinking with a creator’s mind, on the other hand, gives rise to inspiration, meaning and generosity. With this in mind, we must find ways to celebrate one another not for what we have achieved or how popular we are but for who we are and how we have made a difference in the world. In our jobs, businesses and daily lives, we must ask and look for ways to answer the question: “How can I help you?” rather than “What can you do for me?” This kind of thinking is how we collectively create an environment that nurtures kindness, empathy and character in our children and our children’s children. Now that is an accomplishment!
4. We are called on to practice acceptance and non-judgment. I’m always amazed at how quick many mothers are to judge other mothers—especially those from older generations. This kind of unloving behavior is unfathomable. When we attack one another through judgment, gossip, and blame, it is toxic—not only to ourselves and the women we attack, but also to our children who are tuned in to and learn from everything we do. We all do the best we can with what we have and what we know at the time. Let’s remember this and practice accepting beliefs and behaviors that may be different from our own. Accepting them doesn’t mean you have to like them or agree with them, it simply means you can acknowledge them with an empathetic mind and a compassionate heart. You never know what struggles a fellow Mom may be facing on any given day.
5. We are called on to care for our Selves – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Only when we include our selves in our own circle of care can we effectively take care of others in the circle and follow through on the divine secrets. We’re all in the same boat when it comes to time and energy—it’s in short supply. Yet consistent with Divine Secret #4, neglecting our physical, emotional and spiritual selves is toxic to our entire being. And when we become toxic, we bring that toxin into all of our relationships. We can no longer afford to have these toxins around us—not in our world and certainly not in the sisterhood! Include your self in your circle of care so that you can offer the gift of YOU. It’s why you are here. It’s what our children need. It’s what the sisterhood needs.
Having read these divine secrets, it is time to heed the call of the Mama Sisterhood! Embrace them. Live them. And please, pass them on…Dr. Kelly Pryde is a parenting and self-development expert and the founder of DreamKids. A speaker, author and mother of two, Kelly holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and offers today’s Moms inspiring and practical ideas for living with more energy, inner wisdom, purpose, love and joy. You can visit Kelly on the web at www.drkellypryde.com © 2008-2013 Dr. Kelly Pryde. All rights reserved
Life is busier than ever, and among the pressures of full-time jobs and school, it’s difficult to spend meaningful time together. Here are some ways to connect as a family and inspire change in your home, your community and your world.
Nurture the “Village”: Use birthdays and other occasions to gather the important people in your children’s lives – peers and adults. Your children will know that people care, and the members of their community will interact, strengthening the fabric of the “village”.
Be the change together: Take family challenges like a TV Turn-Off Week, Buy Nothing Week, or Once-a-Week Meat-Free Meals. Share your experiences, and get to know another side of your child’s social life.
Sign Up: Coach a team or lead a Scout troop in which your child is involved – share time and experiences and get to know another side of your child’s social life.
Volunteer Together: Volunteering is the most meaningful way to connect as a family. What better way to bond than by working together to make a difference in the community?
Give Together: Start a change jar to collect for important issues. If the issue is water, donate your full jar to Free the Children’s Water Initiative to provide clean water to developing communities. It may seem like a small action, but when everyone in your family and neighbourhood chips in, your change amounts to a global impact.
How will you and your family make a change?
Article courtesy from “Me to We”. Me to We is an innovative social enterprise that’s built on a way of life: living we means walking softly, traveling lightly and making a difference in all your actions—small or large. For more information on how you can help visit their website www.metowe.com
1. Love Bug Program
A great way for you to connect with friends and share the label love! With the Love Bug program you will receive a set of personalized labels just for you and also a personalized set of coupons that you can give to all of your friends and family so that they will receive 10% off their purchase!
What’s in it for you? With every four purchases that are made with your unique coupon code you will receive a free product!
For more information visit: http://www.lovablelabels.ca/programs/love-bug/
2. Blogger Outreach Program
If you are an avid blogger who loves to share information and review products for a brand you believe in, then this is the program for you! As a Lovable Labels blogger you get the chance to host giveaways for your readers, and receive free labels for yourself!
For more information visit: http://www.lovablelabels.ca/programs/blogger-outreach
3. Fundraiser Program
Are you looking for a unique way to raise money for your school, team, camp, or dance group? Our fundraiser program is designed to help you do just that! Our fundraiser program is hassle free; we will take care of calculations and payment collections, and your school or group receives 20% of the sales!
With our fundraiser program you will also be privy to a unique value pack that is not offered on our website: the Fundraiser Pack! This exclusive pack is a great value and only available through your school or group fundraiser. A great incentive for parents to purchase!
For more information visit: http://www.lovablelabels.ca/fundraising.aspx
4. Agent Program
Our agent program is designed for motivated people who would like to build a successful business from the comfort of their own home. When you sign up to become a Lovable Labels agent you will receive an agent starter kit, as well as a $100 gift certificate that you can use to redeem for almost anything (products, extra brochures, etc).
As a Lovable Labels agent you would have your own Lovable Labels website and email, and you would also have access to the “back-end” of your own website so that you can view your sales at any time.
For more information visit: http://www.lovablelabels.ca/agent.aspx
5. We are more than just labels!
At Lovable Labels we have many unique products to offer!
Personalized Books: Make your child the star of their own story book! They can run around with Scooby and the Gang, fight crime with Batman, or learn with Sesame Street!
Sweet Notes: Replace that email or text with a personal thank you card. With these personalized sweet notes you can teach your child the importance and thoughtfulness of giving a hand-written letter.
Connect With Me Cards: These are stylish cards for your child or yourself! There are 14 different designs to choose from, and a pack consists of 50 cards. They are a great way to give out your contact information and create new friendships!
Address Labels: Our address labels come in 12 different designs and add some personal style to envelopes.
Household Labels: We have a variety of household labels like Date it Labels, Spice Labels, Pantry Labels, and Kosher Kitchen Labels, to things that can be used outside of the home like our Outdoor Bin Labels.
Kid Bands: These disposable wristbands are tear-proof and water resistant and are an essential safety item for families with young children. They are perfect for an outing or a family trip, in the event that your child happens to wander off. All the need-to-know information will be right on their wrist!
Allergy Labels: Allergy labels provide a vivid warning about any allergies that your child may have. They are perfect for their lunch bag, water bottle, or containers and they are dishwasher and microwave safe!
Games aren’t just for kids — adults love them too! On “Family Day” grab your family and friends and challenge them using these fun and active winter game ideas!
Marble Garbage — Team members must find a marble in a garbage bag full of snow using snowmobile gloves.
Dogsled Pull — Each team must pull each member on a toboggan around an obstacle course. Those pulling are the “dogs”. Build the obstacle course using snow, pylons, etc.
Fore! — Try snowshoe golf events using tennis balls, hockey sticks, and plastic bowls or cups as fun alternatives to the summer fairway.
Ski Relay — Team members wear ski boots and skis. Each team relays a tennis ball on a spoon. Variation: wear snowshoes, relay ice cubes.
Snowman-making Contest — The participant or team that builds the fastest snowman wins. Variation: A best-dressed snowman contest.
Over and Under Snowball Relay — Each team makes snowballs and puts them in a pail. Pass the snowballs one by one through the first person’s legs, then over the second person’s head, etc., until the snowball reaches the second pail at the end of the line. If the snowball is broken, use the next snowball from the pail. The team with the most snowballs in the second pail wins! Variation: Use ice cubes instead of snowballs.
Do you have other “non-lame” winter games that you play with your family? We would love to hear them!
Happy Family Day!
I remember when my children were little, and the warnings that I used to hear from other Moms to enjoy that time because they would “grow up so fast”. When you are in the midst of constant feedings, diaper changes, and waking up a 100 times in the middle of the night, it is hard to believe that this phase in your life will actually ever end.
I am here to tell you that it does end, and that time really does go by so quickly!
Fast forward 10 years and these days I am greeted with dangly arms and legs from my daughter, and I have to settle for a stiff upper-torso type of embrace from my oldest son. Let’s not forget the “Oh Mom!” or the “Good”, “Fine” – limited conversation I get these days.
Moms know it’s never been a tougher time to be the parent of a tween or teenager. Cell phones and Facebook. Slammed doors and mood swings. Somehow, your sweet little child has changed into a baffling bunch of hormones that you barely recognize. You love your teen but worry about being the Mom you need to be. They are growing up and I realize that although I love my children even more than the day they were born, the “way” I show them my love has to change.
Here are just a few ideas on how to love your tweens and teens:
1. Say “YES!” A lot!
2. Tell them that their feelings are Okay
3. Set boundaries that keep them safe
4. Discuss their dreams or what scares them
5. Laugh at their jokes
6. Tell them how terrific they are
7. Create a tradition with them and keep it
8. Show up at their games and events
9. Listen to their favourite music with them
10. Keep the promises you make
11. Clip pictures and articles, or email them links of things that interest them
12. Ask for their opinion
13. Follow them when they lead
14. Do what they like to do
15. Let them solve most of their problems on their own
16. Tell them how proud you are of them
17. Be flexible
18. Let them make mistakes
19. Expect their best; don’t expect perfection
20. Love them, no matter what!
We are in the midst of a snow storm and today has been declared a “snow day”. What better excuse to have some fun outdoors?! Here are some simple and fun outdoor winter activities that my family and I are trying out:
Roll a small amount of snow into a ball. Try to throw and catch the snowballs. Throwing gently is the key!
Castles can be made from digging and piling up “packing snow” or making snow bricks. Fill pails with snow. Pack the snow and turn upside down. Pile the bricks to make the castle. Having your beach sand toys makes this easy and super fun for little ones!
Perfect after a fresh snowfall like today! Walk around in different directions in the yard. Create a pattern and go back over each other’s steps.
Collect snow and try to make the highest mountain!
An old-time favourite! Roll to large snowballs to make the body. Roll a smaller ball for the head. Help your snow person come alive by decorating with a scarf, hat carrot, etc.
Lie in the snow and face the sky with your arms and legs apart. Move your arms and legs in and out and then get up and see your angel.
Now off to find my snow-pants! Hope you and your family get a chance to get out today and have some old fashion fun!